Understanding the cognitive distortion that keeps us stuck in “not good enough”
Most of us are far better at spotting what went wrong than what went right. It’s a common pattern, progress happens, yet we dismiss it. We downplay compliments, ignore results, and tell ourselves it “doesn’t count.” The problem is that this constant self-doubt chips away at confidence and keeps us stuck, even when we’re genuinely improving.
This is an example of a cognitive distortion, a habitual way of thinking that filters how we interpret reality. Cognitive distortions aren’t signs of weakness; they’re simply mental shortcuts the brain uses to keep its existing picture of the world consistent. In this case, the distortion is called disqualifying the positive. It’s when your brain filters out or downplays anything that contradicts an old belief, usually something like
“I’m not good enough,” “I’m not there yet,” or “Others are better than me.”
So even when you’re improving, your emotional state doesn’t update. You stay stuck in an outdated version of yourself.
How This Shows Up
- “That went better, but it was only luck.”
- “I handled it fine, but anyone could have.”
- “I got through that round, but it doesn’t count because it wasn’t a competition.”
- “They said I’m improving, but they’re just being nice.”
- “I finished the job, but it took me longer than it should have.”
- “I stayed calm, but that’s just because it was easy today.”
- “Yes, I felt braver, but the situation wasn’t that bad.”
- “It worked out, but I still don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Why the Mind Does It
There are a few predictable reasons this distortion runs so strongly:
1. Identity Protection
If you’ve spent years seeing yourself as someone who must keep improving or prove your worth, acknowledging progress threatens that identity. The brain’s priority is to preserve consistency, not accuracy.
2. Emotional Familiarity
Even uncomfortable emotions can become familiar and, in a strange way, safe. Feeling inadequate is predictable. Feeling proud or capable may be unfamiliar, so the system avoids it.
3. Selective Evidence Gathering
The brain constantly filters sensory information. If your belief is “I’m not that good,” you’ll unconsciously collect evidence to confirm it, and delete everything that challenges it.
How to Spot It
The most obvious giveaway is the sentence that begins well and ends with “but…”
“I handled that well, but…”
“I felt calmer, but…”
That’s the distortion in real time, the moment your mind reasserts the old story.
How to Work With It
A simple awareness process can interrupt it:
1. Identify the pattern
Think of a recent success or improvement. Notice what you said to yourself afterwards. Did you qualify it with a “but”?
2. Challenge the rule
Ask yourself:
“If that success doesn’t count, what would?”
This brings the hidden rules of your belief system into awareness, and most people realise those rules are impossible to meet.
3. Re-file the evidence
Acknowledge the progress, even in small, factual ways.
This isn’t about positive thinking; it’s about giving your brain accurate feedback so it can update its internal record.
Write down or say to yourself, simple statements like:
- “That went better.”
- “I stayed calmer.”
- “I managed that differently.”
- “I noticed what was happening instead of reacting automatically.”
- “I kept my focus even when things didn’t go perfectly.”
- “I used what I’ve been practising and it worked.”
- “I recognised the pattern sooner this time.”
- “I reminded myself that progress is practice, not perfection.”
Recording it teaches your brain that this new information matters.
Each note becomes evidence of change, proof that you’re already responding differently.
In everyday life, it might mean handling a situation that would normally unsettle you, catching an unhelpful thought before it takes hold, or noticing that you recover faster after a setback.
For riders, it might be staying composed after a spook, breathing steadily through a tricky exercise, or keeping focus in a situation that would previously have caused tension.
However small it seems, acknowledging it reinforces that you’re learning, and that progress is already happening in the background.
Recognising the Pattern
This habit of dismissing progress is common for many people. Improvement happens, yet the mind immediately finds a way to minimise it. Over time, that quiet self-correction shapes how we see ourselves, as though we’re always behind, even when evidence says otherwise.
Becoming aware of this pattern is the turning point. Once you can recognise the moment your mind says “Yes, but…”, you have a choice: to keep the old story or to notice what’s actually true. Awareness interrupts the automatic response and allows your self-belief to update.
Progress rarely feels dramatic. It’s often subtle, a steadier reaction, a shorter recovery, a different decision, or a calmer way of handling something familiar. These small shifts are what confidence is built from.
So next time you catch yourself saying “Yes, but…”, pause and ask:
“What if this time, it does count?”
That single change in awareness is often all that’s needed to move from self-doubt to genuine progress.
